Accepting “what is” may just be the most difficult part of your situation.
It’s humbling. Sometimes humiliating and shameful.
In a way, part of reinventing yourself can be borne from a desire to let go of the past, and not be burdened by it anymore. It’s natural to want to avoid the feelings you have related to the situation. You just want it GONE. You want to move on, forget this thing and never let it darken your doorway again.
But if you blame something outside yourself for your situation and refuse to take responsibility, you can’t move forward.
To move on, you have to accept “what is” and your role in it.
Accepting something and saying it’s okay are not the same! Accepting your situation means you say, “Okay, this is the situation. Now what? What’s my next move?”
That’s vastly different than saying, “I wish I wasn’t in this situation. I wish things would be different. I hate this. I don’t want this anymore.”
Which train of thought makes you feel empowered? And which one makes you feel like a helpless victim?
One way to help you accept the situation as your new starting place, is to overcome the stigma of failure.
Don’t let your failures define you.
Everybody experiences successes and failures, and everybody has found themselves in situations they don’t want to be in. Everybody. But some people use failures as stepping stones while others allow their failures to crush them.
If you can glean just one tiny bit of wisdom from a ‘failure’ it is no longer a failure and it becomes a valuable lesson.
Another way to help you accept the situation is to take responsibility. Now, you may be saying, “I never wanted this! It’s not my fault I…” I get that! But no matter the situation, you had
some role in it, even if it was just the act of putting yourself in this particular place at this particular time.
Forgive others, and forgive yourself. Remind yourself that all unkind and hurtful actions come from an inner place of pain and you don’t have to carry the burden around with you any longer.
Don’t try to make it all your fault, and don’t try to make it all someone else’s fault. Just look at it as “it is what it is” – blame-free, shame-free.
This as your new starting point. What happened in the past is in the past.
Most importantly, when you take responsibility for your part, you learn. That’s where your greatest strengths lie – in your wisdom.
As you look at “what is,” honestly evaluate your role in it, and what you have learned. It’s the only way you can avoid making the same mistakes again, or repeating unhealthy patterns.
So now, you have released the burden of failure, and you have accepted your role in this situation. You have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and you have learned.
Now, before you lie choices. Lots and lots of choices.
This would not be the case if you were still mired eyeball-deep in “I wish things were different” and you refused the lessons you were handed.
Now, here you stand, in this situation. Now you can say, “I am making things different.”